Thanks giving...two

My 20th birthday

In continuing to write throughout the month of November about things I am thankful for, I have to extend my thanks to my husband, Jim, who has lived with me and put up with my quirks for more than 30 years. How is it that when you are a teen you think life is going so slow and then you get to your later years and realize that you have been out of your parents home (hopefully) longer than you were in and the people around you now know you better than anyone you lived with those first 18 - 20+ years?

July 10, 1976

Jim and I met at his dad's automotive garage when a friend introduced us. As I got to know him, what I saw in him was stability. Jim was much more mature than most of the guys I had dated. He didn't drink, do drugs or sleep around. He was a homebody who respected his parents, held a steady job, saved his money and was very detail oriented. While he did not go to college, he had mechanical mind that could plan and complete anything he set out to build or fix. As a teen, he built his own race car and drag raced for several years. He helped his dad in the family business and did small engine repair. He remodeled his parent's home and helped with many maintenance repairs. He wasn't flighty or unsettled as most my male friends at the time. Eventually he worked for more than 25 years as a Mechanical Engineer.

We got to know each other through many long talks in his dad's or my car into the wee hours of the morning. At his father's urging he took me out to eat, the movies or camping. Eventually we moved in together and a short time later married and started our family.

We have raised three great sons and are now enjoying a renewed relationship with each as the kids have moved out of our home.

Christmas at Mom Muller's with Rick 1977

To some we appear to be polar opposites. While I like to be organized, I do put limits on it. Jim is more of a neatnik and kiddingly says he has had to lower his standard while living with me! I like to plan long range, he likes to tackle things closer to the date -- but not spontaneously. While I tend to jump into things, he tends to think things through and hold back until he has thoroughly researched them. These attributes of our personality, while causing some bones of contention through the years, have also helped give balance to our lives. Sure we struggled through some disagreements, but we have also come together when the time to be united was necessary.

I am luckier than most in that Jim has provided for us and given a firm foundation to build our family on, yet wings to fly off and do my own thing. If he didn't want to participate in projects or causes I was interested in, he never stopped me from doing what I wanted to do. That's not to say he didn't suggest curbing some ideas when he thought I may not have considered all the consequences at times. I, on the other hand, helped him to try new things and go places he had never been before even though he may never have done them on his own.

Christmas 1982 with Baby Aaron

He has also been a great dad to our three sons.

Coaster car built by Jim & the boys.

Aaron's hernia surgery - Age 2

This was another area we balanced each other out. Because I was home with the boys more, I tended to be the disciplinarian. I was the main teacher when home schooling and I was the one who handled the bulk of the challenges that came along. But when I needed him he was there.

One of our last gatherings with boys at home.

Today we are working on being a couple once again. We greatly miss our kids since they have moved out of the home and out of the state! We try to make it a priority to spend our vacations with them as much as possible, but we have also learned that we do need respites with just the two of us.

Grandpa learning one of Elijah's new gizmos.

While we are both challenging to live with, we have hung in there through life's changes. It is said that marriage is work and we both would heartily agree. Marriage is also forgiveness and compromise. Some say marriage is the giving up of yourself for another. Personally I do not agree with that, nor do I believe marriage is 50/50. Marriage is more like an ocean current with some nice calm areas in it. If you do anything to bring something new into the relationship, you cause ripples, waves or unfortunately, crashing waves that create some hard knocks. Once you learn your way through the change, you have calm -- until the next pebble or rock is dropped in. So when you marry, purchase a home, get new job, have children, even bring a pet into the home or decide to follow a particular faith, you both have to work through the resulting ripples. This means bringing two personalities together to a place you can both live in harmony. That's the work of marriage. Not one losing oneself for the other. Or one compromising all they are to keep peace. It's more give and take. Currently, we have grandchildren in the picture, which is a very happy ripple for us to sail together on!

I am grateful for a husband who is willing to WORK through all the choices, changes and challenges our life together brings to us. Thank you, Jim, for sailing with me and keeping us on course. I look forward to many more years together sharing our past experiences and making new memories. 

Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?  The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him. Proverbs 20:6-7

The Men in My Life

Aah, these are the present men in my life. From left to right they are my sons Bryan, Aaron, husband, Jim and son, Dan. The two little guys are Bryan's sons: Elijah, 9 and Asher, 3.

We seem to only make Bell boys in this family. At least on the Jim Bell side -- his brother, Doug, has a daughter and the Muller side hasn't done much better as we have one niece now 42 and one great niece 19! (Weren't we taught in high school biology that the males rarely made it from conception to birth?)

Anyway, when I think back on my childhood, I often think God knew what he was doing in not giving me a daughter. It was tough enough raising boys, I doubt I would have survived raising a daughter who put me through what I put my mother through.

It was always my dream of mine to be a wife and mother. When I was in school, every time someone asked what career plans I had, I always hesitated. Can't I just be a mom that stays home and takes care of her children?!?

Jim and I met through a mutual friend. Our families knew each other and once Jim and I got to know each other, we both talked about getting married. We decided to move in together. This was while I was still in high school (shock-a-roo to all my high school chums, eh!?!). My dad had always stated that when we were 18 we could move out and make our own rules, until then -- and under his roof -- we had to follow his. (Sound familiar to any of you?) I was one of those rebellious kids that always took whatever they said literally and moved out five months after my 18th birthday!

After about a year of living together, I was getting uncomfortable not being, "Jim's wife" when introduced or introducing myself. I also wanted kids and didn't want to bring a child into the world outside of marriage. (Ok, I was old fashioned to a fault in some areas.) So we started making plans for our wedding. As I said, I had planned all this for years, so before we knew it all the plans were in place and instead of the October wedding date, we moved it up to July 10th!

We had a lovely ceremony in the Shokan Methodist Church (Jim's family were non-practicing Methodists) and had our reception at the Shokan Park. The day was perfect. No humidity. No major heat. I had handwritten all my invitations and made my own flower baskets for the bridesmaids. We splurged on the cake (done by an independent baker) and on the bridal bouquet, corsages and boutonnieres. Most of this we paid ourselves, but the parents insisted on paying for some things. When my mother found out Jim's parents were paying for the minister, she insisted paying for the food at the reception. Go for it! :)

Back to the men/boys in my life -- After we were married a few months, we thought about having children. I was out of work and we were adjusting to one income. I was more ready than Jim, I guess because I started crocheting baby clothes. My Aunt (she really wasn't an aunt, but a really good friend of my mom's) saw me crocheting and asked who it was for. When I replied, "my baby", she asked if I was pregnant. When I replied, "Not yet!" she laughed that I was preparing before I was even pregnant.

I believe we tried for several months (an eternity it seemed at the time) before I did get pregnant and in December of 1977, Bryan Bell was born. I always thought I would want to stay home with my children, wait until he or she was ready for Kindergarten and then get pregnant with then next one until I had four. Of course in my perfect plan I would have a boy, a girl, a boy and then finally another girl. We almost did that. NOT.

Aaron was born just shy of five years later in September 1982. I remember coming home from the hospital and stating to my sister, "Well, I can eventually put the two boys together in one room and use the other for our daughter." My sister just laughed and said something to the affect, "This one just got here and you're planning the next one!?!" I am always planning you see....always.

Well Dan came along a little quicker than expected in September of 1984. I tried hard to have a girl this time. When I had Aaron I took pink "horse" pills instead of blue ones. I tried to psyche myself into believing I would have a girl. It was even worse when I was expecting Dan. I wouldn't let anyone tell me it was a boy or think what would happen if it was another boy. However just two days before he was born, the nurse at my check-up listened to the baby's heartbeat and stated, "Whoa that's a boy, no doubt about it, listen to that heartbeat!" Another nurse came in and agreed. Shortly after that the doctor came in and said my blood pressure was high and I need to go home and rest.

That was not a problem as they had all given me shocking information (another BOY! no wonder my b/p was up!) that I had to chew on while I waited out the birth of this baby. Thankfully my sister had come to stay with us again to help out...cook, clean, play with the boys. So I remember sitting on my lounge chair soaking up the rays, thinking that I better adjust my thinking to this baby being another boy.

Dan was the first of our babies that Jim made it as my Lamaze coach. He was slightly unprepared for the first two, but now he thought he could handle it -- ya think? Anyway, he was Jim the Engineer with full gear! He had the stop watch, the clip board, the pencils and other supplies all ready to go when we arrived at the hospital. "Is that the start of contraction?" "You NEED to tell me so I can start the stop watch!" "What do you mean you have to get up to go to the bathroom? You're allowed to do that??" Oh, God, it was so funny.

Anyway we had our three little Bell boys, two blonds and one red head -- don't ask! They were the cutest little boys. Bryan was talkative (and still is), Aaron was quieter and shyer (still is until he's comfortable) and Dan will talk non-stop once he starts.

We always marveled at how different they were. I used to think Dan and Bryan were alike, but while they are in some ways, others they are not. Each one has their own strengths. Each one has their own talents. None of them are great athletes though they could have been. None of them like competitive sports. They all played soccer and tried other sports, but never were thrilled with it. Aaron was the only one to bring home trophies for bowling.

Then we entered the computer age. Bryan took off with it in his teen years. Dan, who by the time he was four we realized had a mechanical mind, took to computer games like a duck to water. Aaron tried to grasp and study it but it didn't come as easy for him. But if you needed a voice of reason, someone to tell us the direction we should go, or to be a mediator, Aaron was there and was excellent at it.

It is funny now to see where they are at in their careers and see how their personalities and traits have come through. Bryan always loved little kids (even though he fought with his brothers like crazy as a youngster). Bryan married at 21 to a wonderful young woman he had met when they were just three years old and has the two sons. He designs websites for Ariba in GA now.

Aaron is lucky to have survived the antics of his brother, Bryan. He was like a guinea pig. Bryan was so much older and want to shoot him up in the air off a teeter totter that he made himself. Needless to say, Aaron didn't fly very far ;). Aaron found his niche and now runs the computers for the inventory and shipping of a publishing company in Florida. He met a young woman that was born in NY, but raised in FL. They were just married this past June.

Dan used to have a fascination with fans as a baby and toddler. "Fan, fan!!!" He used to yell every time he saw a ceiling fan in a restaurant. He became a whiz on the computer thanks to his brothers, not to mention the time he put into playing the games on it. He now designs simulation videos for the armed forces -- believe it or not, the one simulation he loves working on involves helicopters! Do I see a correlation between the fans and the rotor??? ;)

Now we come my two beautiful, adorable, grandsons. They are so much fun! So cute and so full of energy. Since I am soooo experienced in raising boys, they can't quite pull a fast one on me like my kids did. I have to say they have a wonderful set of parents raising them too. Bryan is so much more strict than we were. (I still can't believe it!) But I love to watch my son, love his children in all aspects of their upbringing. He adores being a father and husband. Hmmmm sounds familiar... ;) It is so rewarding to see your children settle down and make plans for their lives and then follow through...hmmm, what new plans can we make today?

Did you miss it?

Hey, I have been meaning to ask if you have checked out the photo above? When my husband Jim and I were down in Virginia visiting his sister, we drove out to this little park to relax. I grabbed the camera and tried to capture some nice photos.

I walked up over the little knoll in anticipation of seeing the water and the sun setting. I was happy to see I wasn't too late. I took several photos and with each click the clouds formed a new rendering of the sky.

It wasn't until I looked at the photos on the computer, that I realized there was a bird flying in the upper left hand corner. I also remembered there was a boat on the water and if you look very carefully you will see it. It's there, right smack in the middle of the sunbeam on the water!

I was astonished that I had clicked at just that precise moment to successfully catch it in the beam. It wasn't easy looking through a camera (a digital no less) with the sun blinding you. As if the sun's rays weren't enough, the reflection on the water made it almost impossible to see. So I just snapped and wallah, just what I was hoping for. I don't have PhotoShop or I may have been able to bring out the boat a little more vividly.

I love surprises like that. I love pictures like this. I have always loved the beauty of nature and all that makes up our world. I have always wanted to live where I could look out on the water. But if I never do, I will always treasure these times I had to see it and photograph it.

If I was to caption this photo, it would be a struggle to come up with one that says it all. As I look at it, I feel a sense of peace and calmness. I also feel that even though I may think I am all alone out there floating along in life, I am never alone. It also speaks to me of being in the light and guided by something bigger than myself.

Sometimes life is like that little boat and we are drifting along barely aware of our purpose. Then other times, we are moving through life as fast as our little motor will let us; and while we may kick up a fuss as we go, we miss so much. But no matter what we are doing, we are still in the flow of life and moving along somewhere between heaven and earth. We wonder what is out there. Sometimes we are burned and sometimes we are poured down on. We need to make choices and learn how to cope with what comes along, hopefully learning along the way. Other times we need to just sit back and enjoy the view.

More powerful ships may come by and we may feel like we are holding on for dear life. But as long as we stay in the boat or hold on tight we will be okay. There will be faster speed boats out there and some dingys; some more experienced sailors; and some novices learning the ropes. We all need to share this great sea of life we are in. No matter how small we think we are, we can still help those that are in need whether it be the rowboat that lost its oars or the canoe that has capsized. It is when we reach out to help those in need that we suddenly find our purpose in life and that we aren't the insignificant speck we thought we were.

Most sailors learn to navigate by looking to the heavens or using a compass. With today's technology, we seldom have to rely on such old school techniques. But even the biggest ships need to navigate through storms and can't always count on their high tech equipment to guide them to port.

Where do you look for your guidance? Do you have a compass to guide you? Do you ever look up to see what's in the heavens? Or do you wait to be rescued?