Proud Mom (and Dad is too!)...

As another Mother's Day approaches and my nest is empty, I look back on my mothering days with a sense of awe.

I always dreamed of being a mother. I planned to be a mom and that dream was fulfilled and though the plans didn't work out exactly as I had planned (two boys, two girls spaced five years from each other, lol), it has been a great a very challenging but rewarding experience. One Mother's Day after my kids were grown and gone, I decided to turn the tables and write tributes to each of them. What follows is what was written:

On this Mother’s Day, May 14, 2006, I thought I would reverse the expectation and write each of you, my sons, a letter of recognition. Nothing compares to the pride of knowing you have raised three healthy kids who are on their way in their own productive lives.

DAN

Dan, congratulations on finishing college and attaining your degree! We are so proud of all your accomplishments and trust you will apply all you have learned to a meaningful career. You were our last-born, “baby” of the family, and though you were spoiled as much as your brothers, you have turned out to be a pretty decent human being.

When you were born, I knew you would be something special because you were our third son and God had divinely intervened in your naming. Daniel, from the Hebrew name דָנִיֵּאל (Daniyyel) meaning "God is my judge". Daniel was a Hebrew prophet whose story is told in the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament. He lived during the Jewish captivity in Babylon, where he served in the court of the king, rising to prominence by interpreting the king's dreams. The book also presents Daniel's four visions of the end of the world. Famous bearers of this name include English author Daniel Defoe, Swiss mathematician Daniel Bernoulli, and American frontiersman Daniel Boone. Alan means either "little rock" or "handsome" in Breton. It was introduced to England by Bretons after the Norman invasion. Famous modern bearers include Alan Shepard, the first American in space and the fifth man to walk on the moon, and Alan Turing, a British mathematician and computer scientist. So my “handsome little rock” always live up to your name and “let God be your judge.” (pssst, He is whether you acknowledge it or not!)

When you were little, you were always smiling and so very happy. In school, you were the charmer, wrapping teachers, kids and adults around your finger and getting them to do just about anything you wanted. In later years, you became quite the manipulator with your parents, your brothers and others. You were always “The Thinker” whether swinging on your swing set or the hammock or as you watched things go by in the car. We knew this by the questions you would come up with; very deep questions that showed a lot of thought before asking.

When you were about four, you awed us with your ability to build numerous objects with Aaron’s Construx without following the directions. Then later in school, you wowed us and the teachers by accelerating your own learning and moving up TWO reading levels. 

In home schooling you, I could see you could take any amount of work I gave you and complete it correctly without much effort. Of course, we had to get through at least a day and a half of complaining on your part…”This is too much!” “This is too hard!” “I’ll never get this done!” Ha! After all that you always finished up early. In home schooling, and even when you returned to high school, you made life much easier by taking responsibility for your homework and getting up on your own for school. Though you had your own quirks, like not riding the bus so we had to drive you or wait in fear until you arrived home safely on wintry days, we appreciated your taking a stand and sticking with it. Both your brothers were also aware of your gifts,  I can still hear Aaron stating something to the effect of: “You need to know Dan is really good on the computer, I mean really good! And you better be careful you don’t mess him up.”

Now you are all grown up! We can’t wait to see what you will do with your life from here on out. Our hope (and my prayer) is that you will continue to push the limits of your talents and not waste them; and that you will press on to achieving your dreams. Whatever you choose, we are sure you will do well. We are proud to have you as our son and look forward to being a part of your life in the future.

AARON

Aaron, congratulations on you graduation into independence! We hope you realize how proud we are of you in the way you have taken on the financial and living situation with Dan. We are proud too of the fact that you have completed college with such a high grades and enthusiasm and are applying what you have learned to your life.

When you were born, Dad and I were still picking names on the way to the hospital. I had seen the name, “Aaron”, almost every week on television, at the end of my favorite shows when the Director’s name scrolled through – Aaron Spelling. I like the sound of the name and kept thinking, “well, maybe this means our baby will be productive and wealthy some day!”  So I stuck that name on you. The middle name Douglas, of course, was after you Uncle Douglas Bell. He was named after Douglas MacArthur a General Grandpa Bell served in the Korean War. When I think of it now, it should have been a signal that you might be a bit strong-minded and stubborn. Fortunately, you have used both these attributes to benefit your life and not go with the flow or take everyone’s word as truth.

Aaron, which is from the Hebrew name אַהֲרֹן ('Aharon) which is most likely of unknown Egyptian origin. Other theories claim a Hebrew derivation, and suggest meanings such as "high mountain" or "exalted". In the Old Testament Aaron was the older brother of Moses and the first high priest of the Israelites. Douglas - Anglicized form of the Gaelic name Dubhghlas, which meant "dark river" or "blood river" from Gaelic dubh "dark" and glais "water, river". Douglas was originally a river name, the site of a particularly bloody battle, which then became a Scottish surname. The surname belonged to a powerful line of Scottish earls. Let’s just say the blood on your jacket and the water in the ditch of you infamous car accident will be all the “blood river” we need, thank you.

You have always been the most serious of the three, worrying about college money and such. You definitely have had  the strongest work ethic of the three from an early age. You were never afraid to work hard and sometimes did it for the satisfaction rather than monetary reward. Your were never afraid to work for what you wanted and that continues today and will bring you great rewards in your future! Of course you too learned to manipulate to get what you wanted, but always with a pretty sound argument to back it up. 

Your ability to communicate with words and not so much with actions has been greatly appreciated. You have proven to us that you put some thought into your conclusions and whether you were right or wrong, you were at least patient to hear another perspective. Again we have to say that your taking a stand on what you will and will not do is a good trait in today’s world of so much freedom. Believe it or not, I am proud that you question my faith and ask questions and even remind me of what the Bible says from time to time.

You have always been the silent observer. Taking in all that is around you and keeping it all to yourself. When we do get you to open up, we are amazed at what you have seen, thought through and concluded. If you use this correctly you will go far in your relationships, but only if you continue to be willing to listen to others and see their perspective. So far, you have used these introspections to tell us how to improve in some way. Using tact is what gets others to listen to you and you are learning that lesson well.

All this “training” will serve you greatly in your life. We appreciate the concern you have for others and know that it will take you far in being a loving, caring human being to others….human or animal!  Maybe someday that will all be transferred toward a wife and children!! We can only hope! Keep on being the responsible, caring human being you are. Keep searching for the Truth and God will reward your seeking. We love you and are very proud of who you have become!

BRYAN

Bryan, congratulations on your success in improving yourself to the point you are able to create and sustain a beautiful family life for yourself, Jessica and Elijah.

We are so proud of your work ethic and your concern for the health of yourself and your family. We are amazed, but not surprised that you are where you are -- having completed college and created a successful family and career.

When you were little, we watched you show those traits through the care you gave to babies, kids and then your own brothers. We also watched how you utilized your entrepreneurial skills to try to sell almost everything in sight! We did think you might be a salesman at one time because you could talk anyone into buying anything.

We picked your name mainly because I liked all the Bryans I met (no matter how they spelled it!) and we wanted a name that couldn’t be cut short. (I always thought it was kind of dumb to name someone a name they would never be called.) Of course, your middle name was after Dad. We weren’t too fond of Millard or Calvin and there were to many Charles’ on my side of the family to name you after my father! The meaning of the name Bryan is not known for certain but it is possibly related to the Old Celtic element bre meaning "hill", or by extension "high, noble, strength". James, is the New Testament Greek form of יַעֲקֹב (Ya'aqov) meaning he who supplants (one who succeeds or steps into the shoes of someone else). This is the name of two apostles in the New Testament. The first was Saint James the Greater, the apostle John's brother. The second was James the Lesser, son of Alphaeus. Another James (known as James the Just) is also mentioned in the Bible as being the brother of Jesus. Kings of England and Scotland have borne this name. Other famous bearers include the inventor of the steam engine James Watt, the explorer Captain James Cook, and the novelist and poet James Joyce.

 

As our first son, we had only you for four full years so you were very mature and articulate for your age. As you got older, you became much more adventuresome and daring. Many times frightening us with your speed or jumps or ‘no fear’ ambitions. You were also very creative, trying over and over to reproduce whatever you saw on television or saw at a circus or show. This included everything from “flying” like superman; to “shooting” your brother into the air by jumping on one end of a teeter-totter; to putting on plays and concerts while always charging admission! In later years, you settled down a bit with imitating Ninjas and drawing Turtle comic books until you eventually wrote a whole screenplay for a high school video. You surprised us with your artistic ability in your Fine Arts classes and your attention to detail in all your creations.

Through the teen years you experimented with many worldly options only to finally come back to us and prove what we knew all along -- that you were smart and talented. This was proven by your consistency on the dean’s list in college and ability to run your own side business.

When you rekindled your relationship with your friend Jessica Jollie who you knew from toddler days,  your world turned a corner once again. We are so happy to have Jess as part of our family and are proud of the family you have created with her and Elijah. We are so proud of the man you have become. The way you took Dan in so he could attend college and curb our housing expenses for him, continued to show us your care and concern for others. We look forward with you to what the new baby will bring and what the future holds for you all.

All three of you have made us proud to be your parents. We hope you will continue to keep in touch with your brothers and your parents and nurture the relationship we have together. It has been a pleasure to see you all out on your own make a life for yourself and working together to help each other succeed. Keep up the good work and always know that you have a loving family and especially loving mom and dad.

Love you,

Mom & Dad

Today Dan is doing computer graphics for training courseware. He lives in Florida and creates video games for fun and is a saavy investor. 

Aaron is married to Corinn (his boss' daughter) and they live in Florida also. They are blessed with one cat, Noobkins and one dog, Jem. He works for a book publishing company maintaining their inventory, shipping and receiving. Corinn works for a hiring company that matches up healthcare professionals with the companies that need them.

Bryan & Jess & Elijah now have Asher added to their family and they live in Georgia. They have one kitty, Jiji. Jessica home-schools the boys and Bryan works in web development for Ariba, a web-based procurement service. 

Thanks giving ...Three

One segment in my November Thanks giving posts has to include my three sons....

Jessica, Elijah, Bryan, Asher, JoAnn, Corinn, Aaron, Jim, Dan
at Aaron and Corinn's Wedding in June 2010

I always wanted to be a mom more than anything.

It all started a long, long time ago when I wanted to be a big sister to a little sister as a kid, but that never happened. My brother Rick was born two years after me -- too close for me to really "take care" of him. So I started with babysitting my eldest brother's friends' babies.

JoAnn's first try at babysitting with the help of her
younger brother, Rick

In my preteen and teen years I helped take care of, and later babysat, many children. I loved "playing house with real babies!" I remember once when walking with my niece in a carriage a neighbor friend of mine asked, "JoAnn, do you have a REAL baby in there?" to which I indignantly replied, "Of course!"

JoAnn Muller & niece, Sandra Lynn 1968

I loved having my niece and nephew to dress up and take care of. I loved shopping for them too. I can still remember the thrill I had in buying my nephew his first work boots and overalls....sooo cute!

Then I married and started a family. Whoa... Big difference. Bryan was born in December of 1977 and I was just about to turn 21. I remember after they brought him into my room at the hospital, immediately hopping out of bed to change his diaper. I couldn't wait to start my new role.

Once home, we settled in. Bryan was a great baby, he slept a lot and noise never seemed to bother him. We were a team for five years. He went everywhere with me and rarely were we apart.

Then Aaron was born. I had hoped for a little girl but was happy to have another little Bell boy join the ranks. Aaron was born with red hair and since there was another mom in the hospital with the last name Bell at the time, we wondered if we had the wrong baby! Aaron was our light sleeper -- once we got him to sleep! When he was a toddler, every night it was a chore to get him to stay in bed or to fall asleep and stay asleep. He'd fall asleep in the car, but awaken once the car stopped. Any little noise and he was up.

Two years later (one week prior to Aaron's birthday), Dan was born. I had really hoped for a girl at this point, but just before his birth a nurse told me it was another boy -- she could tell by his rapid heart beat.

Bryan, Aaron and Dan at Arianna's home in Pawling, NY

Dan was an easy going baby, but he was intuitively linked to me. Every time I awoke, no matter how early, Dan would begin to fuss. If I walked into the room he had been sleeping in, he'd get up. It was a challenge to find "me" time with three kids and one who was constantly aware when you were around and wanted nothing more than YOU to hold him.

Alas, the years went by and each of the boys grew and developed their own personalities. Bryan, the adventurer, practiced daring tricks and used his brothers as participants. Aaron, became a little wary after years of this and eventually began to hold back on trying new things. Dan was happy go lucky and just would follow his big brother, Bryan, everywhere and try to do whatever he did.

Karate Kids at Aunt Elaine's

We often would observe the kids together and try to figure out what they would be like in their adult years. Bryan would be the creator, he would come up with a plan and he would direct the implementation. Aaron would observe and add commentary and supply the funding because he was the only one that had a savings account and started working prior to being a teen. Dan would add a practical element and provide some logical thinking.

It was humorous to watch. Most of the time watching them was painful because as the saying goes: "Three's a crowd." Unfortunately when sibling rivalry rose its ugly head it was usually Aaron who was left out. It drove me nuts that it always seemed to be two against one all the time. In later years, they learned to work together, especially if it was to devise a scheme against their parents. Oh, the stories they put together to cover each other!

In their teen years, Dan and Aaron were home while Bryan was off to college. Because the "third wheel" element was gone, they bonded together more than they had in the past, but still maintained a wary distance of each other. Of course teen hormones probably played a role in all this too. Ugh, I hated the arguments we had with each other or that they had between themselves. I was home-schooling both of them through their high school years and two more opposite students none could find! But they both managed to pull through and go on to college and make successful lives for themselves.

Dan, Aaron, Bryan home for Christmas

Then came the years they started to leave home. Bryan was first when he went off to New Jersey for college. Because of his challenging Senior High School years, it was more of a relief than a disruption to have him away. Our relationship with him increased greatly through his college years. I can still hear Jim and I laughing at his emails that he passionately wrote to us. We loved hearing all that he was involved in and all that he tackled and overcame. He was very independent and got along with his professors better than his fellow students. It was amazing to see him evolve from a rebellious teen into a respectable young man. Then he connected with his friend from years back and started a relationship with her that pulled him away from us. This was not a bad thing! He eventually went on to marry her and now they have given us two beautiful grandsons that we just adore.

Aaron was home-schooled through his high school years and then went to college locally, so he was home the longest. After surviving the rebelliousness of his brother with us, he maintained his thoughtful calmness. But once those teen hormones kicked in and his college education started feeding his psych, he did what most teens do and started advising us on matters. It was interesting to listen to his logic which sounded so profound at times, until he decided he knew best and wouldn't tolerate what we were suggesting or doing. Aaron never became the rebellious teen his brother was, but he was a challenge just the same. He was a thinker. So you had to really listen to him and let him know he was heard or the conversation just ended. It was a challenge for me particularly, because he could sound so intelligent yet be a tad off course at the same time. I often felt sorry for Aaron as I was recovering from Bryan's teen years when Aaron started entering his own. Wary of what might be coming, my guard was up. This created friction and we had some lively discussions as a result. Aaron also always felt he was cheated somewhat being the "middle child". We tried to go out of our way to make sure he was treated fairly, but it never seemed to be enough. Then came the day I got him a kitten for Christmas, something he had always wanted. Our relationship made a major positive shift after that, but Dan also moved out of the house, so I never knew which had changed the dynamic -- the cat or Dan's move. Today Aaron is a very responsible young man and husband to Corinn, a NY native that grew up in Florida (and also his boss's daughter!) He has proven himself to be very sensitive, sensible and a strong advocate for working out solutions to almost any problem.

JoAnn, Dan and Aaron
on the bridge at Grandma Muller's

Dan was our charmer. He could weasel his way into anyone's heart, especially his teachers. He once was in a special class to help him with his reading and though he had succeeded in all the teacher had for him, she wanted to keep him in the class because "he is such a delight!" He became such a socialite in class that he was given extra jobs to keep him "busy". This was all before the age of 10!

From the age of four we  could see Dan had a mechanical mind. He would take his brother's construction toys and build them into a vehicle just by looking at the picture! (A major feat when I couldn't build it reading the directions!) Dan overcame his reading problem and proceeded to jump two levels on his own to catch up to his friends. This was a new "problem" for the school, but they did work with him. By fifth grade he wanted to be homeschooled, and even his tests showed he was over the class level. So we started homeschooling him in seventh grade. He did this until 10th grade when he asked to go back to public school. It was not an easy adjustment for him. But he exceeded and then went on to college. He moved to Florida to attend college and graduated with a degree in Computer Graphics. Now he designs graphics for training simulators and has his own apartment still in Florida. We are very proud of the young man he has become and can't wait to see where his talents take him.

Aaron, Dan and Bryan
in Grandma Muller's stream

Funny but as we look back on each of our sons lives and where they are at today, we can proudly say they are all respectful, responsible, intelligent and very thorough thinkers. While Jim and I look back and wonder how that all happened, we are grateful and proud to be their parents. Our hope is they continue to live happy and productive lives whatever they choose to become.

To each of our sons we want to extend our heartfelt thanks for the joy you have brought us through the years.

The Men in My Life

Aah, these are the present men in my life. From left to right they are my sons Bryan, Aaron, husband, Jim and son, Dan. The two little guys are Bryan's sons: Elijah, 9 and Asher, 3.

We seem to only make Bell boys in this family. At least on the Jim Bell side -- his brother, Doug, has a daughter and the Muller side hasn't done much better as we have one niece now 42 and one great niece 19! (Weren't we taught in high school biology that the males rarely made it from conception to birth?)

Anyway, when I think back on my childhood, I often think God knew what he was doing in not giving me a daughter. It was tough enough raising boys, I doubt I would have survived raising a daughter who put me through what I put my mother through.

It was always my dream of mine to be a wife and mother. When I was in school, every time someone asked what career plans I had, I always hesitated. Can't I just be a mom that stays home and takes care of her children?!?

Jim and I met through a mutual friend. Our families knew each other and once Jim and I got to know each other, we both talked about getting married. We decided to move in together. This was while I was still in high school (shock-a-roo to all my high school chums, eh!?!). My dad had always stated that when we were 18 we could move out and make our own rules, until then -- and under his roof -- we had to follow his. (Sound familiar to any of you?) I was one of those rebellious kids that always took whatever they said literally and moved out five months after my 18th birthday!

After about a year of living together, I was getting uncomfortable not being, "Jim's wife" when introduced or introducing myself. I also wanted kids and didn't want to bring a child into the world outside of marriage. (Ok, I was old fashioned to a fault in some areas.) So we started making plans for our wedding. As I said, I had planned all this for years, so before we knew it all the plans were in place and instead of the October wedding date, we moved it up to July 10th!

We had a lovely ceremony in the Shokan Methodist Church (Jim's family were non-practicing Methodists) and had our reception at the Shokan Park. The day was perfect. No humidity. No major heat. I had handwritten all my invitations and made my own flower baskets for the bridesmaids. We splurged on the cake (done by an independent baker) and on the bridal bouquet, corsages and boutonnieres. Most of this we paid ourselves, but the parents insisted on paying for some things. When my mother found out Jim's parents were paying for the minister, she insisted paying for the food at the reception. Go for it! :)

Back to the men/boys in my life -- After we were married a few months, we thought about having children. I was out of work and we were adjusting to one income. I was more ready than Jim, I guess because I started crocheting baby clothes. My Aunt (she really wasn't an aunt, but a really good friend of my mom's) saw me crocheting and asked who it was for. When I replied, "my baby", she asked if I was pregnant. When I replied, "Not yet!" she laughed that I was preparing before I was even pregnant.

I believe we tried for several months (an eternity it seemed at the time) before I did get pregnant and in December of 1977, Bryan Bell was born. I always thought I would want to stay home with my children, wait until he or she was ready for Kindergarten and then get pregnant with then next one until I had four. Of course in my perfect plan I would have a boy, a girl, a boy and then finally another girl. We almost did that. NOT.

Aaron was born just shy of five years later in September 1982. I remember coming home from the hospital and stating to my sister, "Well, I can eventually put the two boys together in one room and use the other for our daughter." My sister just laughed and said something to the affect, "This one just got here and you're planning the next one!?!" I am always planning you see....always.

Well Dan came along a little quicker than expected in September of 1984. I tried hard to have a girl this time. When I had Aaron I took pink "horse" pills instead of blue ones. I tried to psyche myself into believing I would have a girl. It was even worse when I was expecting Dan. I wouldn't let anyone tell me it was a boy or think what would happen if it was another boy. However just two days before he was born, the nurse at my check-up listened to the baby's heartbeat and stated, "Whoa that's a boy, no doubt about it, listen to that heartbeat!" Another nurse came in and agreed. Shortly after that the doctor came in and said my blood pressure was high and I need to go home and rest.

That was not a problem as they had all given me shocking information (another BOY! no wonder my b/p was up!) that I had to chew on while I waited out the birth of this baby. Thankfully my sister had come to stay with us again to help out...cook, clean, play with the boys. So I remember sitting on my lounge chair soaking up the rays, thinking that I better adjust my thinking to this baby being another boy.

Dan was the first of our babies that Jim made it as my Lamaze coach. He was slightly unprepared for the first two, but now he thought he could handle it -- ya think? Anyway, he was Jim the Engineer with full gear! He had the stop watch, the clip board, the pencils and other supplies all ready to go when we arrived at the hospital. "Is that the start of contraction?" "You NEED to tell me so I can start the stop watch!" "What do you mean you have to get up to go to the bathroom? You're allowed to do that??" Oh, God, it was so funny.

Anyway we had our three little Bell boys, two blonds and one red head -- don't ask! They were the cutest little boys. Bryan was talkative (and still is), Aaron was quieter and shyer (still is until he's comfortable) and Dan will talk non-stop once he starts.

We always marveled at how different they were. I used to think Dan and Bryan were alike, but while they are in some ways, others they are not. Each one has their own strengths. Each one has their own talents. None of them are great athletes though they could have been. None of them like competitive sports. They all played soccer and tried other sports, but never were thrilled with it. Aaron was the only one to bring home trophies for bowling.

Then we entered the computer age. Bryan took off with it in his teen years. Dan, who by the time he was four we realized had a mechanical mind, took to computer games like a duck to water. Aaron tried to grasp and study it but it didn't come as easy for him. But if you needed a voice of reason, someone to tell us the direction we should go, or to be a mediator, Aaron was there and was excellent at it.

It is funny now to see where they are at in their careers and see how their personalities and traits have come through. Bryan always loved little kids (even though he fought with his brothers like crazy as a youngster). Bryan married at 21 to a wonderful young woman he had met when they were just three years old and has the two sons. He designs websites for Ariba in GA now.

Aaron is lucky to have survived the antics of his brother, Bryan. He was like a guinea pig. Bryan was so much older and want to shoot him up in the air off a teeter totter that he made himself. Needless to say, Aaron didn't fly very far ;). Aaron found his niche and now runs the computers for the inventory and shipping of a publishing company in Florida. He met a young woman that was born in NY, but raised in FL. They were just married this past June.

Dan used to have a fascination with fans as a baby and toddler. "Fan, fan!!!" He used to yell every time he saw a ceiling fan in a restaurant. He became a whiz on the computer thanks to his brothers, not to mention the time he put into playing the games on it. He now designs simulation videos for the armed forces -- believe it or not, the one simulation he loves working on involves helicopters! Do I see a correlation between the fans and the rotor??? ;)

Now we come my two beautiful, adorable, grandsons. They are so much fun! So cute and so full of energy. Since I am soooo experienced in raising boys, they can't quite pull a fast one on me like my kids did. I have to say they have a wonderful set of parents raising them too. Bryan is so much more strict than we were. (I still can't believe it!) But I love to watch my son, love his children in all aspects of their upbringing. He adores being a father and husband. Hmmmm sounds familiar... ;) It is so rewarding to see your children settle down and make plans for their lives and then follow through...hmmm, what new plans can we make today?